A Pinch of Monty

Dove, your ‘Real Women’ campaign includes no ‘real women’ like the ones I know. Real women have curves and color and freckles and crazy hair. Real women don’t look airbrushed when they get out of bed or have to even wear makeup to be beautiful. They don’t even have to have vaginas to be women. All you’re doing is trying to make a genuinely real woman feel bad about herself for not looking like the ‘real’ women you’re putting forward. All of these Dove ‘Real Women’ look like a mannequin with a pulse. I’m sorry, but I’ll take MY real women over yours any day of the week.

I’m slowly losing my goddamned mind. Can’t sleep because of the ensuing terrors if I do, and I’m miserable when I’m awake.

Trying to explain how calling a man who wears panties a ‘sissy’ or a ‘female’ is NOT okay to a gay man who thinks it’s funny. I hate people sometimes.

Examples of how a normal 23 year old male brain works:

Oh, shit. Did I leave my iPod in my other jeans? 

I need to wear a coat. It’s could outside, man.

I should probably walk the dog before he pees on the rug.

Examples of how my brain works:

“Maybe we can play xbox or something and talk about girls. Maybe I can bring my xbox, too. Does he like Halo or Gears more? I bet his ass tastes like candy. Probably Gears.”

“I can see his dick in those jeans. Is that a problem? It looks like a blaster rifle handle. Pew pew pew pew. Gimme yo dick, Elite scum! Pew pew pew pew. I bet he smells like cinnamon right now.”

Finally at 100 followers. How anticlimactic.

I have this weird thing, where every time I hear someone say the word ‘Republican’ or ‘Conservative’, it’s automatically replaced in my head by Red Foreman saying, “Dumbass”.

Hope is useless and no one ever changes. Fuck this.

I got 99 followers and a bitch ain’t one.

yetibait:

janecrocker:

canon jesus is way cooler than fanon jesus

canon jesus was a sassy middle eastern guy who literally said “did i fucking stutter” and hung out with prostitutes

fanon jesus is just some boring white guy who sits around hugging lambs

Just be careful who you say that around. His fandom has literally killed people for disagreeing with their head-canon.

This ^^.

(Source: shsluckomaeda, via homicidaltyger)

montydevil:

My sister has more gay porn on her blog than I do and I’m a certified homosexual. Why?

She was just sitting in here whispering ‘fapfapfapfapfap’ into my ear as I wrote that. What are you?!

(via numb-to-society)